Another night of bad sleep. That's it gotta make an appointment with a sleep specialist.
Sleep, dream, wake up, look at clock, it's 1hr later. Sleep, dream, wake up, 1 hr later.
I dread waking up now, and wondering how little time has passed since I last woke up. thinking, worrying, obsessing. Plus being a light sleeper, the cat, the neighbors heater, son's coughing.
Of course got into a deep sleep around 5am and had to get up with the kids at 6 or 7.
This Dad can make the $$ to support the family and break down a bicycle and put it back together, but I can't put my son's shoes on the right foot, get my other son to the bus on time, or show up to pre-school at the right time. Mom works early on Fri, and I gotta get em out the door.
We missed the bus this morning, I know my son will chalk this up there with the time I burned the microwave popcorn which shall never be forgotten till the end of time.
Dropped him off at school. I was actually a little worried as I hadn't done it before and didn't know the right procedure and was worried that the mini-van / suv mom's would chew me out. It worked out ok.
Then dropped the younger one at pre-school, but I was actually early, and they hate it when you drop off early because they are busy setting up.
Well at least I got his shoes on the right foot this time.
Reality check time folks.
I am thinking I better back off on training a little. The crap part is that I really am not doing all that much training. But the sad fact is that given my current fitness, combined with the stresses of daily life (work, wife, family, other obsessions, etc) I seem to be just running on the ragged edge lately.
Esp. with Xmas coming on, and some serious pressure at work something has to give.
So Reality check-
-As much as I wish, I am not an elite level rider
-I do not have energy/time to train as much as I think I should
-I have to accept that I must just do the best that I can
-I'm just anotha brotha tryin' to get by.
-trying to make my mark on the local MTB scene and not make it into the NORBA nationals
-It's more important to be a better father and husband than a bike racer
-It sucks living life just trying to make it to the next day.
Not sure why I'm so stressed. Even though it's Xmas and most people get worried about $, that doesn't seem to be the issue. Thankfully, we are not extravagant in our spending, and combined we make enough that we can go to the grocery store and not worry what goes into the cart, and I can buy bike stuff almost at will (within reason)
Maybe it is work. I am 100% soft money, and my current projects are all short term ones, so even though I gotta paycheck you can never breathe easy cause your always figuring out how to scramble for when the next project runs out.
Ah well, just like the Mother In Law saga this too shall pass
Will do some lower body power phase lifting today. It's fun, low weight done at high speeds. Totally launch the bar on squats Need to put the pads on, get some stares from the other people.
Jeff Kerkove, endurance racer extra-ordinaire put my blog on his links at his popular blog. Let the comments roll in!! Well it's just nice to know that someone out there is listening. Even though this is pretty fun and theraputic just talking to the ether (net).
It's funny, I kept a journal from highschool to college would have been devastated if someone found it and read it but here I am opening my life to the world, and bummed because I don't know if anyone is listening.
It's funny shit, real life. When's my movie deal/reality show coming!!